The Chinese are very competitive

When the Rockets lost to the Trailblazers Tuesday night, some of the players had already started making plans on how to assure that Brandon Roy did not dominate them again.
"Obviously, our worst game of the series," Yao said. "Hopefully, next game, execution will result in our best game."
I'm not a linguist of any kind, but that sounds to me like it is slightly more of a threat than Eric Dampier's "I'll put Tony Parker on his back." I'm not sure how they do it in China, Yao, but here in the civilized world, executions are not part of our "NBA Cares" attempt at good citizenship. Snipers will obviously be in place at the next game to ensure that neither Yao nor his possy of oversized Asians tries to behead any Trailblazers. I would still keep my head on a swivel if I were Brandon Roy or Greg Oden though. I hear that Yao is a Shogun and well... Greg Oden is obviously a lower level ninja.

As if PETA didn't have enough reason to protest horse racing

I've been around a few horses in my life and never seen one so obviously hopped up on anabolic steroids and methamphetamines. This horse looked like a combination of Usain Bolt (speed), Manute Bol (coordination), and Nick Nolte (intoxication). And the horse on the receiving end... honestly, it's a train wreck. I imagine that a similar result would come about if I tried to take a charge on a LeBron fast break or tried to block a Ray Lewis blitz. I would say poor horse, but it probably lived better than me.

And the Academy Award for Best Actor goes to... Shaquille O'neal.

Steve Nash directed a short film recently that features Shaq as a 70's style cop. I don't think that I need to say anything more to entice you to watch this video. Amazing!

Never deface the Superman emblem!

Shaqtastic Quote of the Day

"Me having a beautiful wife and great family and friends around me, all the money I've got, all the things that I've got, a Ferrari that I just ripped the top off of and turned into a convertible, the rings I got, the two mansions on the water, a master's in criminal justice, I'm a cop, plus I look good. So me shoothing 40 percent at the foul line is just God's way of saying that nobody's perfect. If I shot 90 percent from the line, it just wouldn't be right."

A sad day in Childhood Memory Land

Anybody who watched basketball in the early to mid 90's knows how painful today and the rest of eternity will be without the great Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutombo blocking shots in the NBA. Last night, the 7'2" Congolese NBA player finished his career with the Rockets. He left the floor on a stretcher after he and Greg Oden (the goofy heir to Dikembe's shot blocking legacy) got tangled up and Dikembe apparently "strained his knee." You may think that a strained knee is nothing. Carried out on a stretcher? Retiring? Valid criticism. That is until you realize that this man is in his 18th year in the NBA and is the oldest player currently on a roster. At any rate, I think that it is only fair that we honor him with one last finger wag. I don't care if it is on a basketball court, at work, or in the kitchen. It is requisite that we all block a shot for Dikembe. I want block parties on basketballs, paper wads, and tomatoes. Anything that goes airborne needs to be promptly rejected and followed by a Dikembe reminiscient finger wag.

We'll miss you big man. Here's to you.

Even professional athletes need that edge

I personally believe that skills are normally developed over many years and through a lot of practice and experience. However, certain people have physical attributes that allow them the opportunity to skip most of that crap and attain awesomeness at an accelerated rate. Most people would agree that people like Lebron James are way ahead of the learning curve because they were gifted with the body of a Greek god. Honestly, 6'9" and 275 is a gift from the gods. However, other players have unique physical attributes that give a similar advantage. Let me give you some examples.

Mo Williams, PG, Cleveland Cavaliers, All-star, 3 point specialist, Lebron's sidekick- Mo has an uncanny knack for getting the ball in the basket or into Lebron's hands (which is basically the same thing). Is it because of year and years of practice and hard work. No, it's because he has a massive tattoo of a pit bull on his shoulder that wills the ball in the hole. Do I have a dog tattooed on my arm? No. Am I an NBA all-star making millions of dollars? No.

Ronaldinho, Brazilian soccer god, Ugliest man alive- Ronaldinho has been tagged the greatest soccer player in the world on multiple occasions. He has ball skills that are used to consistently embarrass his opponents. He also has incredibly greasy hair and a face that looks like it's been hit with a large snow shovel. Do I have Rick James like greasy hair and a face that only a mother and/or money hungry Brazilian models could love? No. Am I making millions playing soccer? Also a NO.

Darren McFadden, RB, Oakland Raiders- DMac finished 2nd in the Heisman race 2 years in a row. He embarrases linebackers and D-backs alike with his blazing speed and stiff arms. Is it because solely because he grew up in a bullet riddled neighborhood or has the perfect combination of height, weight, and speed? No, it's obviously because he sports "501 Boy" and "Arkansas Bred" tattoos on his biceps and abs respectively. Do I have tattoos signifying which 3 number code precedes my childhood telephone number? No, and again I am a poor HP employee and not a professional athlete.

Lary Bird, Celtic great, Hero to good White Trash folks everywhere- Larry Bird is listed as one of the greatest basketball players to ever play the game. He could shoot from anywhere (as illustrated in the McDonald's HORSE commercials) and was possibly more clutch than even Big Shot Bob. Do you think practice or the fact that he lived on the wrong side of the White Trash capitol of Indiana is the only reason he competed with Magic and Michael? Absolutely not. It was most definately because of his nasty, yet glorious stache. Larry will go down in history for being a great basketball player and will owe it all to the chunk of frayed hair that inhabits his upper lip.

I think these examples prove my theory. It is now law. Which is precisely why I am growing a beautiful Skank Stache. So that I too will have an upperhand in my development as one of the greatest basketball players in history.

Shaqalicious Quote of the Day

I would like to make this a recurring post. Everybody knows that the Big Shaqtus is one of the most dominant and entertaining players in NBA history, but I think some people are not quite aware how he earned his Big Shakespeare and Big Aristotle nicknames. Over this series, I hope to prove the Shaqtasticness of Shaq's verbage.

Today's Quote: At a press conference before one of his NBA Finals trips with the Lakers..."We know what we have to do. I know when I get up in the morning, I have to put my underwear on first and then my pants. (5 second pause). Yeah... Thongs."