Bull Shark v. Salt Water Crocodile Updated

I decided to do some further research after a heated discussion between a friend and I about this very match up. He sided with the shark immediately and claimed that he could find evidence of such a battle already taking place. I found the evidence and just wanted to be the bigger man and say... Booyah!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-475994/Clash-titans-battle-shark-crocodile.html

I will be dead and in my grave when a water buffalo gets the same rights as me

If PETA knew me I would probably be public enemy #2, directly behind Michael Vick, who I love. I don't care about animals unless they are a good cut and medium rare. I am not a fan of people who treat animals like humans and act as if they have rights like humans. What really burns my britches is when animals are given rights and preference over humans. I'm quite sure that if we continue in our over the top treatment of animals we'll be living in our own episode of Planet of the Apes.

Steps down from soap box...

The Denver fire department is going to begin to carry animal oxygen masks on their trucks to help the pets of folks involved in fires. Now I'm not completely heartless. I understand that people involved in a traumatic situation like a house fire would be even more traumatized if Sparky came away in a front end loader full of ashes. I get it. I personally just assume they carry hot dog roasters, skewer Fluffy, and sell her to the local China buffet afterwards to raise money instead of standing in an intersection with a boot. It does look like the masks are donated, so I can't complain too much.

Check out the video and see what you think:

This just in: Kendrick Perkins is not a complete douche

I have always felt that Kendrick Perkins was a mean-mugging douche the likes of which only Kevin Garnett could out douche. This is probably because on the court the guy always looks like somebody peed in his Cheerios. Deadspin posted a nice little story today that changed that view. It will change yours as well.

http://deadspin.com/#!5793919/how-these-two-white-guys-wound-up-in-this-kendrick-perkins-family-photo

Caged in: Badger v. Puma

The name of the game is: which animal would you rather be locked in a cage with?

Ground rules: cage is 20' by 20', I picture less of a cage and more of a small zoo exhibit, small non-climbable trees, shrubbery, sticks and logs, maybe a tire or medicine ball, typical small monkey cage. Now that the picture is set, let's see who we're up against. Today, the choice is badger or puma. Pictures of ferocity below:

I'm sure there are a lot of different views on this one. You have the aggressive, ferocious nature of the badger, who really always seems to be rabid, versus the quick, stealth like stalking of the puma. At first glance, you may say, the badger is much smaller and I could quickly calm him and or knock him unconscious. A word of warning to those who may fall into that trap: do you see the above picture? I don't care if this little dude is the size of a toy poodle, he's frightening and obviously not somebody I want to corner. Badgers are quick little boogers with a mean streak and small, but very strong muscular bodies. On the other hand, you have the puma who is probably going to weigh in around 150-200 lbs with notable quickness and power. He will outrun you no matter the pattern you run.

Here's my thoughts and choice. I'm going to pit myself against the puma. I know it sounds crazy, but I'll explain.

1.) The puma is not known to be as temperamental and may be lulled into submission.

B.) If I can get behind the puma, I may be able to go sleeper hold or just pound the poor guy over his head with a log until he bleeds to death or at least falls into a deep slumber. I don't think I could do that with the badger. He's too small to climb on and I think he would slip out and devour my face.

III.) Do you see that picture? I think the puma even in a situation where he got the best of me, would maim me, pull me around by my arm for a while, and then get bored when I play possum. The badger would not get bored, because again, he would devour my face in it's entirety and serve my retinas to his little rabid badger children.

I'm sure I could be convinced otherwise, but for now, I'm trying my luck against the puma... given the situation ever arose.

Bull Shark v. Salt Water Crocodile

And so begins Animal vs. Animal. I really think it would be awesome if somebody would create a show that would actually make this happen. Unfortunately, all of our friends at PETA would crap bricks if we put their beloved animals in a cage match to the death. Seriously though, who wouldn't watch a show that let two ferocious animals mow through each other like a fat kid at a Golden Corral. So... on to the fight.

Keep in mind, that the name of the game is not "Which animal would make you crap your pants quicker?" We are only interested in a head to head, strengths vs. weaknesses fight. Here's my thoughts: Normally, I always side with the Bull Shark. They are terribly frightening if for no other reason than their unmatched aggression and complete disregard for life of any kind. They have razor sharp teeth, super elusive speed, and even the guy on River Monsters doesn't want to tangle with this guy. In a battle in the water, which I am assuming, they may even have a slight advantage in the swimming category- no pesky little T-Rex legs to get in the way. However, if anybody has ever seen a crocodile up close and personal, they know why most consider them to be the closest thing to a dinosaur still living. They are massive, fast, and have jaws that would crush a Mack Truck. They have the slight weakness of not having strong muscles to open the mouth, but my guess is that the bull shark is not aware of this. My bet is firmly placed on the Salt Water Crocodile. This is mostly based on size and pure power, so the bull shark with its Mike Tysonesque aggression and lunacy still has a shot, but I'm going 8 out of 10 battles in favor of Croc.

Real Men Don't Buy Girls

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore have a new cause that they are fighting for. Granted, human trafficking is a bad thing. I'm not into buying Hondurans. Being involved in charities and having a cause to fight for is also good, especially when you are a bored celebrity who is too old to make a movie as a stripper. However, I'm really not sure where they're going with this other than just drawing attention to an interesting ad campaign that is completely unrelated to their cause. I'm fairly sure that being the type of person that eats cereal out of a box, makes a grilled cheese with an iron, or starts a fire with your hand (which I'm certain AD could do just based on his physical prowess) could also buy, sell, trade, and barter for women and children. I don't know that those attributes are mutually exclusive. Maybe I'm wrong. I mean Sean Penn doesn't look at all like the type of guy that would have Vietnamese women in his cellar. Also, since when does Tom Selleck's or any other mustache not make you think immediately of human trafficking and pedophilia. Even my 18 month old child knows that you can trust a guy with a mustache.

Take a look at the YouTube channel and enjoy the commercials... I guess.

http://www.youtube.com/user/DNAFoundation

Can somebody get Rajon Rondo some royalties?!

Rajon Rondo is one of my least favorite players in the NBA. It's mostly due to the fact that he played for Kentucky and then made his way up to the Celtics. I'm sure had he not played for either of those two teams I wouldn't hate him, but I would still think that he was weird looking. I finally put it together the other day. Paint him blue and he is obviously that female Avatar creature. Seriously, does nobody else think that he may be from some weird alternate universe?

Shaq Quote of the Day and Previous Two Years

I'm not real sure what this is referring to or why Shaq thinks everybody from Ireland is a pirate.
“Yeah, have fun over there. And if you see any of my Irish cousins, tell ‘em I said, ‘Shiver me timbers,’ or something like that.”

Back in the Saddle Again!

Due to my new job being mindless and slow, I am going to re-establish the ole Blog.

The first matter of business is to set up some continuity. No more loosey goosey whoring around. I'm thinking we'll set up some good segments: weekly, daily, etc. I would also appreciate some good audience participation. I speak mostly to the 2 people that actually read this and somewhat to the 1 person that happened onto the blog whilst searching for his political activism fix.

I'll take votes via comments, phone calls, or telegraph on which segments should stick. So far I've come up with a very informative weekly segment on which carnivorous animal would kill and eat which animal in a fight to the death. I often ponder this in my head and with one of the 2 said readers. Similarly, I will regularly pull out a segment in which I discuss which of 2 animals I would prefer to be locked in a confined space with. Right now my mind is mostly on animals. Probably due to the fact that I just ate meat loaf, but I'm sure we'll come up with some more segments and will most likely keep the previous segments as well.

Addendum: Brian Scalabrine sitings will also occur during the NBA season.