Duke needs to get back to academic basics

I know. How dare I criticize one of the best schools in the nation?! However, the face of the university is a guy who will ultimately end up being the most recognizable and winningest Men's College Basketball coach in history... and he can't spell his name phonetically at all. Coach K is called Coach K because anybody who tries to pronounce his name is embarassed by their lack of literacy. His name is Mike Krzyzewski, pronounced Mike Sheshevski. At what point did the letter K begin making the SH sound. I know it's the guy's name. He's probably the very proud ancestor of an Eastern European martyr, but this guy was the coach of Army's basketball time. He is 100% American and a role model for people across our country. Will we begin seeing Duke fans name their children Mike, spelled Qmihg3p? Will last names be changed from Smith or Jones to names with too few vowels and consonants not used in Wheel of Fortune? I think that Duke, as a leader in education should approach Mr. Sheshevski about supporting the English language and its phonetics. Legal name changes are not hard to make. It may cost $50 max. This guy makes millions. Please Coach K, think of the children. Think of America. Please don't ruin our language and undo the teaching of 1st graders everywhere.

Raider Nationesque Sportsmanship

Below is the story of an Iraqi soccer player shot in the head while attempting to score a goal. It was the then living striker completely alone, just the goalie to beat... oh and that crazy guy in the stands with a gun... we forgot about him.
Keep in mind this is not quite like a coach tripping or form tackling a player on a breakaway. This is just slightly worse. A man at full sprint is gunned down by a lunatic fan. That doesn't happen in the US. We still think that Philadelphia Eagles fans are horrible people for throwing snow balls at Santa Clause. Snow ball are not bullets. They do not kill people.
Now, I have said before that I am not an overly political person. I am supportive of America and our government for the most part. But cue my anti-war comments. I am proud of soldiers who volunteer to fight for freedom, but Iraq is not a threat to the US anymore. My vote: let's pull all of our soldiers out and drop several thousand bombs on any country with poor enough morals to shoot a soccer player because he might score against your team. Or at least pull the soldiers out, build a 300 ft tall electric fence (Jurassic Park style) around the entire country and let them either excel as a country or shoot each other in the head.

A day in the life of a big time HP employee

I am finally out of training after 5 weeks of intense study of important things like how to leave a voicemail and insights like a chipset is a set of chips. Now that I am aware of the mysteries of life, I can begin my real job. So, I am going to document my day for everyone to see. Here it goes:

6:13- Leave for work while listening to Corey and Jay Show
6:45- Arrive at parking lot and wind down from traffic stress
6:52- Begin 6 block walk to the office, every step leads me farther away from the drunken bums outside the Lafayette building.
6:59- Arrive at desk, turn on computer, login to phone.
7:01- Turn on Pandora radio for the day.
7:05- Begin reading newspapers from the northeast to get a better feel for life as one of my clients.
7:14- Read intriguing story about a murderer shot in the courtroom after attacking the judge.
7:17- Create "Question" (Old 97's) station on Pandora
7:23- Look at clock- it's not lunch time
7:30- Still not lunch time
7:33- IM my manager- "Busy right now, I'll ping you back in a few minutes"
7:34- IM my mentor- schedule only meeting of day for 1pm
7:35- Stare aimlessly at my cubicle wall trying to find patterns in the decorative lines
7:36- Deadspin, ESPN, The Onion, Facebook, Random Google searches
10:16- Time actually stops for a full 3 hours
10:46- Create "Ben Folds" station on Pandora
10:51- Look at all 8 billion albums on vinyl at BestBuy.com
11:28- Can I make it from the 11th floor of the Metropolitan Building to the 2 floor of the closed down YMCA next door? I think so...
11:34- Call from Billy... He might schedule a meeting, but I'm not sure I'll be able to make room in my busy schedule.
11:37- It's nearly lunch time.
12:10- Go to lunch. It's left over pinto beans, collard greens, fried okra, and ribs. Excitement ensues.
12:35- Help Emily create a Siebel opportunity- yeah, that's real work.
12:48- Wait patiently for my meeting with John to start. Is there an actual purpose for this meeting? Doubtful, but at least it's real human contact.
1:01- I hope the meeting planned for 1 is still on.
1:04- John calls, conferences me in on sales calls, goes over tools. Obviously the reason the HP is paying me.
1:42- End phone call with John, wait on Mark (my manager) to call me at 2.
1:50- Got scheduled into a training from 4-5. Yea! I've been here since 7 and was thinking about leaving at 3:30. Guess not.
2:15- Still waiting on Mark to call me. I'm sure he's just busy. Right?
2:16- Time to make my rounds on Deadspin, ESPN, Facebook, etc.
2:18- Mark called. 2 minute conversation letting me know that he won't know anything till Monday. Thanks.
2:21- Talked to Casey. Fortunately, he isn't working either. It's nice to sink with at least one other person in your boat.
2:52- Talked to Rachel- at least I'm not cold calling K12 schools in southern Texas. Ouch.
3:29- Watch Onion videos

Taking a bite out of crime

I think that it is imperative that everyone watch this.
That's assault brother

Your Mama jokes are understood in every language

So a Mexican assistant soccer coach slapped an American player in his grill... not a big deal in my book. The guy agreed that he probably deserved it. The real crime is that nobody is talking about the coach's amazing Mexi-Mullet. It's not that it's unexpected. I mean, seriously, the guy's name is Paco and he's a coach for the Mexican national team. It's probably in his DNA. However, it should at least be noted that the guy has a Jheri Curl mullet, which makes him the biggest bad-a on the team... as demonstrated in this video.

The recession's the least of our problems

Here is an interesting story about 8 people being beheaded in India. Apparently, Indians are not fans of Cinderella or her story.

http://news.aol.com/article/8-beheaded-in-india-wedding-dispute/338199

Eat your heart out Michael Vick!

I thought a story about a crazy Texan in a station wagon filled with dog feces would be the most fitting way to get back to regular posts on here.
I personally have a theory that over 80% of all human beings are certifiably nuts. Some hide it better than others. This woman in Texas was obviously not fooling anybody. I mean, if you can be considered the craziest person in northern Texas, you are obviously off the freaking radar.
So the story goes, Police in this little podunk town got a tip that a woman had a bunch of dogs in a station wagon on some old country road. They went to check it out and found the woman in a car filled with 20 adult dogs, 2 puppies, and the natural bi-products. Apparently the police officers could smell the urine from several feet away from the locked vehicle. In fact, they later found that the ammonia given off by the waste was strong enough to cause some serious health problems. The woman refused to cooperate and locked her doors. Now, if I were the police officer dealing with this brand of crazy, I would have asked politely and then left the woman to rot in dog poo. Apparently they persisted and she eventually gave in allowing the officers to take all of the dogs to the local animal shelter, which in northern Texas probably meant another station wagon attached to a slightly larger FEMA trailer.
I don't hate animals. I don't own one, but that's because I personally think that most are a waste of time and money. However, this woman is a perfect example of the crazy gene often found in obsessive animal lovers. Although PETA will inevitably condemn her to puppy hell, people who hoard dogs and people who stand outside the Westminster Dog Show dressed in white robes comparing the American Kennel Club to the Klu Klux Klan are cut from the same mold.
Read the story and see the picture below:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29109007/