Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Caged in: Badger v. Puma


The name of the game is: which animal would you rather be locked in a cage with?
Ground rules: cage is 20' by 20', I picture less of a cage and more of a small zoo exhibit, small non-climbable trees, shrubbery, sticks and logs, maybe a tire or medicine ball, typical small monkey cage. Now that the picture is set, let's see who we're up against. Today, the choice is badger or puma. Pictures of ferocity below:



I'm sure there are a lot of different views on this one. You have the aggressive, ferocious nature of the badger, who really always seems to be rabid, versus the quick, stealth like stalking of the puma. At first glance, you may say, the badger is much smaller and I could quickly calm him and or knock him unconscious. A word of warning to those who may fall into that trap: do you see the above picture? I don't care if this little dude is the size of a toy poodle, he's frightening and obviously not somebody I want to corner. Badgers are quick little boogers with a mean streak and small, but very strong muscular bodies. On the other hand, you have the puma who is probably going to weigh in around 150-200 lbs with notable quickness and power. He will outrun you no matter the pattern you run.

Here's my thoughts and choice. I'm going to pit myself against the puma. I know it sounds crazy, but I'll explain.
1.) The puma is not known to be as temperamental and may be lulled into submission.
B.) If I can get behind the puma, I may be able to go sleeper hold or just pound the poor guy over his head with a log until he bleeds to death or at least falls into a deep slumber. I don't think I could do that with the badger. He's too small to climb on and I think he would slip out and devour my face.
III.) Do you see that picture? I think the puma even in a situation where he got the best of me, would maim me, pull me around by my arm for a while, and then get bored when I play possum. The badger would not get bored, because again, he would devour my face in it's entirety and serve my retinas to his little rabid badger children.

I'm sure I could be convinced otherwise, but for now, I'm trying my luck against the puma... given the situation ever arose.

3 comments:

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  2. I want a piece of the ferocious Badger while summoning my inner Frank 'Big Hurt' Thomas.

    i. Puma is a solitary animal. Experienced in fighting and surviving alone. The badger lives and travels in clans (2-15). No entourage means no tag team.

    2. Tale of the tape - The badger is 25 inches & 25 lbs - I am 76 inches & 200 lbs.

    C. The puma is a stalk-and-ambush predator and the 'Iceman' of cage. Goose said in the always appropriate and iconic 1986 classic, Top Gun - "Iceman. It's the way he flies, ice cold, no mistakes. He wears you down, you get bored--frustrated--do something stupid and he's got ya." The Puma is the Iceman of the cage. Game Over.

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  3. I like your argument. Obviously some research went into this. I'm just afraid of trying to kick the badger and coming back with a nub.

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